


Pocket Full of Stones

by Trundia



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 17:38:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6817492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trundia/pseuds/Trundia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron needs this release. He needs to feel like he’s not falling apart at the seams and the complete blanket whiteness of Robert’s mere presence used to turn those thoughts off. </p><p>Aaron uses Robert to temporarily forget his past. Set December 25, 2015.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pocket Full of Stones

**Author's Note:**

> I know that it's been awhile since I've posted anything, but I've started writing a lot of fics, so now I'm trying to complete them. This probably isn't my best work, but I wanted to get something out there. This takes place on Christmas Day (Dec 25) 2015. There are brief mentions of Aaron's past, but nothing explicit or major. Also, this doesn't necessarily paint a great light on Robert, but it's from Aaron's point of view during a time of high stress. I might make this a part of a series of missing/interlude scenes, if anyone's interested. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

The wind hits Aaron in the face as he leaves Paddy’s.

Their conversation had been odd, to say the least. Paddy didn’t seem to want him around and given that Aaron had spent the whole time looking out the window, suspiciously eyeing the village road looking for Gordon, he doesn’t blame him.

Still, it’s Christmas day and he has nowhere to go.

His options are limited. He can go back to Zak and Lisa’s and face the humiliation of coming back with his tail between his legs, as well as the very real possibility of seeing Gordon again. Or he can go back to the pub and sit by himself for a few hours before heading back to Paddy’s— he meant to give Leo his gift, but he’d forgotten it and Leo wasn’t there anyway.

He pulls his jacket closer to his body, trying to trap the warmth as he goes back to the pub. Those hours of silence that he’ll face is a lot easier to cope with— no matter how much he wants to just dig, dig, dig into himself— than seeing _him_ again.

Robert catches his eye, leaning against the bricks of Keeper’s cottage, a sour look on his face. Aaron hasn’t seen him since the whole Chas-stabbing-Diane incident. He looks angry, like he’s remembering where he was last year and wishing he could go back.

They fucked last Christmas. Not for the first time, but Aaron hadn’t seen Robert vulnerable before that night. He’d ruined yet another chance at reconciling with Andy and even Vic had been mad at him, but Aaron knew that feeling all too well. Even after Katie had asked Aaron to chuck Robert out, he snuck him upstairs and went down on him. It took ten minutes for Robert to stop ranting about the _mad cow,_ but he could hardly keep it up while his cock was down Aaron’s throat so far that Aaron’s nose was pressed against him.

Robert had been left out in the cold then and Aaron had tried to fix the problem. If it worked for Robert, well, it might work for Aaron as well.

“Oi!” He calls over to Robert. Robert looks up from the potted plant he’d been scowling at, his eyebrows raised in confusion.

“You want some company?” Robert seems to contemplate it for a moment. For a minute, Aaron thinks Robert’s going to laugh in his face, much like he did not three months ago for not being _grateful_ that he didn’t mention Aaron to the cops, but he doesn’t.

“Why would I want that?” He calls over.

Aaron shrugs. “Dunno.” He thinks Robert might be able to feel it— whatever kind of energy Aaron is trying to put out— because he nods his head. He seems to know what Aaron’s after and practically skips over to him. Aaron thinks he looks kind of pathetic, chasing after Aaron on a chilly day like this.

Aaron unlocks the back door of the pub and they pile inside. Aaron throws his jacket lazily over the stairwell railing and climbs up the stairs.

When they’re in Aaron’s bedroom, Aaron notices that Robert hasn’t taken off his jacket. Leather, the pretentious fuck.

“What’s up?” Robert’s voice is soft and gentle. Aaron considers for a moment that Robert doesn’t know why Aaron called him over.

Instead of answering, Aaron tugs at the hem of his sweater and pulls it off. He leaves his shirt on. There’s no way he’s letting Robert see _that_ part of him again. “We should talk.” Robert’s voice is so quiet it almost startles Aaron.

“No.” He says it defiantly. Too many _things_ are happening. Too many thump, thump, thumps in his brain crowd his thoughts and he just want it to stop. He reaches forward and pushes Robert’s jacket off of him, the leather feeling slick and cold under his fingers.

“Aaron—” Aaron cuts him off with a kiss, pressing roughly against his lips. Robert is still for a few seconds, caught by surprise, but Aaron grips his hips and pulls him closer. Realizing what’s happening, Robert opens his mouth to let Aaron in.

It feels different, kissing Robert, than it used to. Before, he felt he was tugging, pulling — fucking _fighting_ \- all the goddam time. Like he was using all of his energy to get Robert to be _there_ in the moment, to make him want Aaron like Aaron wanted him.

This is different.  

Aaron needs this release. He needs to feel like he’s not falling apart at the seams and the complete blanket whiteness of Robert’s mere presence used to turn those thoughts off.

Robert’s hands slide up the inside of Aaron’s shirt and he pushes them away. Robert’s trying to make this _soft,_ like they’re reuniting and making love when Aaron just wants to fuck. He needs that hardness from Robert, to feel that push and pull that makes him feel _normal._

“Hey.” Robert pulls away first and rests his hand on Aaron’s cheek. “Are you okay?” It’s gentle and sweet and so goddamn infuriating in that Robert way— in that way that makes him want to push Robert out of a window but also makes him want to sink to his knees.

He doesn’t need the love he’d practically begged of Robert a few months back. He wants the Robert that manhandled him into a car and bruised his thighs from gripping too hard and the sharp tongue that cut him deeper than any knife.

“Shut up.” He pushes Robert onto his bed and almost laughs at how it makes Robert look giant. It’s just like Robert to make himself the most obvious, biggest part of Aaron’s tiny, boxed-in life. Ironic, considering Robert’s the one who never made room for Aaron in his life.

He pulls off his jeans and then Robert’s, which earns him a grunt. “Slow down.” But when Aaron looks up at Robert, he’s smiling.

There he is, Aaron thinks. Robert’s smile is like the cat that caught the canary, sly and charming, like Aaron’s exactly where he wants him.

He thinks, for a brief, terrifying moment, of his dad. That fucking smile— a puppet master working his strings like a finely tuned instrument— shocks his spine and makes him whimper.

Robert must think it’s a good noise—and down to him— because he says “c’mere.”

He’s trading monsters for monsters. And at this point, he’s not sure that he cares.

He knows what Robert wants. Wants him easy and pliant and simple. Wants him soft and malleable for a good fuck. It scares him that he might be wrong.

He doesn’t want to be wrong.

Aaron shifts up the bed to straddle Robert’s waist, pressing down on his chest with his hands and forcing Robert to sink into the mattress. He leans down for a searing kiss, his force on Robert so hard it’s making him fight for it.

Robert falls back onto the bed, pulling Aaron down by the collar of his shirt. He smiles into the kiss, moving one of his hands down Aaron’s side and over his backside. “Fuck, Aaron.”

Aaron pauses. Something about the way Robert had said his name— like a prayer before his last breath— makes him stop. He doesn’t want that.

 _This isn’t a love story._ That’s what Robert had said— and he was right.

Aaron tries to ignore the look of sincerity on Robert’s face and the light, fluttery kisses he’s pressing into Aaron’s neck. He’s trying to pretend like this means _nothing_ because it does. It has to.

Aaron tugs Robert’s hair, pulling him away from his neck and looks him in the eyes. “I want you to fuck me.”

“Aaron—“

“ _Shut up.”_ He grinds his hips down onto Robert and feels the hardness of him. He reaches between them, into Robert’s boxers, and starts tugging on him. Aaron grips him tightly, jerks him quickly and Robert lets out a quiet moan.

He keeps pulling at Robert’s cock for a few more moments before pulling off and standing from the bed. He reaches for the condoms and lube in his bedside drawer and then steps out of his boxers.

“Are you sure?”

No. He’s not sure of anything these days, but he nods his head anyway. “I invited you here, didn’t I?”

He gets back on the bed, crawling up Robert’s body and kissing him hungrily. Robert brings his hand to the back of Aaron’s head, deepening the kiss. Aaron remembers why he’d nearly ruined his life for Robert. He’s intoxicating, just the presence of him.

But getting him up close is standing on the edge of a cliff, teetering on the brink of _freedom_ but just not quite.

They’re still kissing when Robert rolls them over so that he’s on top. He’s looking down at Aaron, suddenly serious, as if he’s trying to memorize Aaron’s face. “I missed you.”

Aaron takes a deep breath, unwilling to let any emotion show. This isn’t what he wanted. “God, just fuck me already.”

Robert looks taken aback for a brief moment. The words aren’t particularly harsh, but it comes out more aggressive than he meant them to.

Or maybe it was exactly how he meant.

Either way, Robert loosens his grip on Aaron, which gives Aaron the opportunity to roll over. He pulls his arms above him and rests his head on his hands. He hears the click and a few seconds later, he jerks from the cold of the lube. He braces himself, waiting for something to fucking happen.

When nothing does, he turns his head to see Robert sitting on his heels, staring at Aaron’s back. He looks thoughtful, like he’s taking the moment to memorize Aaron’s backside— like he can’t believe this is happening and wants to savor every moment of it.

“Are you going to do something or what?”

Robert looks up to Aaron’s face and then to his backside, and then to his face again. “Yeah, sorry I was—”

“Just…don’t, okay?” Aaron turns away from Robert, hoping that he’s clued on and will keep going. Robert’s never really cared for emotions anyway, never given a damn about what he was doing to Aaron, so why should now be any different?

A few seconds pass and then Aaron jerks at the cold lube against his entrance. Robert presses lightly against his hole, testing him out and letting him get used to it, before pressing his finger in. Aaron hisses at the pain. “That hurt?”

“It’s fine.” It’s more than fine. It’s the burning and easy pain he’s been looking for. He can’t reach inside himself like this, it’s just not the same— he needed someone else to dig into him. Make him feel alive again. The fact that it’s Robert, who’s torn him apart at the seams, just adds flame to the fire.

Robert settles a second finger into him. And then a third. Aaron’s practically writhing beneath him, sweat dripping from his neck and body feeling heavy and full. Robert pulls his fingers out, which causes Aaron to let out a small whine.

He hears the condom packet ripping open, but refuses to look behind him. He doesn’t want to see what romantic fairytale Robert’s acting out in his head as he puts the condom on and lines himself up against Aaron’s hole.

“Fuck, Aaron.” Robert’s slow to enter Aaron, letting one arm grip his hip and the other slides up his body, where Aaron’s hands are resting by his head. He tries to hold onto it, but Aaron pushes back against Robert, which surprises him and causes him to start. Aaron’s tight— he hasn’t done this is months, but he remembers how good it felt the last time they’d done this. He’s chosen not to be as naïve as he had been back then. “You feel so good.”

Robert pulls out and then thrusts back in. Aaron shuts his eyes tight, savoring the burn of having Robert inside him.

Finally, finally, finally. As Robert thrusts into him, he kisses the back of Aaron neck, murmuring words Aaron can hardly make out. He can vaguely hear “I love you” and “I miss you,” so he retaliates before Robert makes him lose his mind.

“Harder.” It comes out weaker than he intended. And that’s where it starts— this out-of-control feeling of being on the verge of tears kicks in and his eyes get blurry.

Robert doesn’t seem to notice and obliges, pulling back and slamming into Aaron. He tightens his hold on Aaron’s waist that’ll sure be bruised come tomorrow morning. He starts saying _it—_ I love you, I miss you— louder, more firm and honest than Aaron can remember him ever being. It’s like he’d remembered a song that he’d long forgotten; forgotten how it felt when it’d been sung in his ear like a lullaby.

This isn’t what he wants. “Harder.” He tries to keep his voice steady, but it comes out clenched between his teeth, high pitched and almost whining. He’s beginning to cry in earnest now. He tries willing away the hot tears before Robert catches on.  

Robert stops moving, his lips inches away from Aaron’s ear— Aaron can tell that he noticed. “Aaron?”

“Keep going.”

“Are you crying?”

Aaron wipes away at his eyes, trying to hide the tears that had been spilling over. “No, no. Just keep going.”

He doesn’t. Instead, Robert pulls back and slowly out of Aaron.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m not gonna— not while you’re like this.” Aaron can feel Robert standing from the bed, so he turns to face him.

“It’s not like you’ve ever given a shit before, Robert.” Robert pauses, shocked, his leg half in his underwear.

“Is that really what you think?”

“Yeah.” He says it as sincerely as he can, trying to wipe away the fresh memory of Robert’s love declarations.

Aaron pulls his knees up to his chest. He feels small, which is unsurprising given that it’s Robert he’s talking to.

Robert finishes pulling on his pants and runs his hands through his hair. “It doesn’t—I would never take advantage of you. Not when you’re clearly upset about something.” He looks flustered and confused, as if he couldn’t think of a single reason why Aaron would assume otherwise.

“I’m not.” Robert raises his brows. “I just wanted you to fuck me.”

 “I don’t believe you.” Aaron shakes his head. This definitely isn’t how he wanted this to go. “This is me you’re talking to. I know when somethings bothering you.”

Suddenly, Aaron feels the air inside himself change. He doesn’t _want_ or need this side of Robert. He doesn’t need to be looked down on by the likes of him. He drops his knees and stands from the bed, pulling on his pants and jeans. “You know what, Robert? I don’t need this.”

“What? Aaron—” He goes to put his hand on Aaron’s shoulder, but Aaron pulls away.

“You won’t give me what I want? Fine. I’ll find someone who can.” It’s silly, Aaron knows, because he’s likely to just go back to Paddy’s. It’s Christmas and most everything is closed, but Robert doesn’t have to know that.

Aaron watches as Robert’s nose flares, the thought of Aaron with someone else clearly making him angry. _Good,_ Aaron thinks. He deserves it.

Robert finds his trousers and shirt on the floor and pulls them on. “What is wrong with you lately?”

Aaron throws his hands up, sighing. “What would you know?”

Robert seems to take the moment to think about, like he could really parse down the reasons Aaron might be acting like this. As far as Aaron’s concerned, he doesn’t owe Robert any kind of explanation. Robert speaks slowly as if he’s choosing each word carefully. “I know you’ve had it pretty hard lately—”

Aaron’s had enough. He walks to the door and pulls it open. “Get out.”

“You’re not serious.”

“Try me.”

Robert grabs his jacket and shoes, scowling at Aaron the whole time. Aaron watches as he walks towards him. “You can’t hide from it forever. Whatever it is, if you need me, I’ll be around.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything. He avert his eyes from where Robert’s standing and opens the door further. From the corner of his eye, he can see Robert shake his head and walk out.

Aaron slams the door behind him.


End file.
